Captioning made possible by warner bros.
Attention. This is your captain.
All male personnel
Report to the proto-Feminist sensitivity seminar.
That is all.
No. This is your captain,
Directing all the fly honeys to say "o-Oh!"
O-Oh!
Ha ha! And that is all.
No, i'm the captain, and you shut up.
No, i am, and try to make me.
Give me that!
This is crap.
Stupid article 4.
Everybody's getting promoted now.
I got 5 ph.D.S, and i'm mopping.
Don't hear me complaining.
Because you're an idiot.
Look. Affirmative action or not,
You've got to respect the chain of command.
Well, of course you're on her side.
I'm not on anybody's...
You're doing her.
And it just burns your ass, don't it?
Yes!
Yes, i am.
Ow, give me that!
You give me... ¡ay, mis huevos!
Oh, you're not qualified to be captain.
Section 3.
Non-White males of hispanic origin,
To exclude spaniards, are, uh...
Hereby...
Hair... Hereby.
Hairaby. Hereby.
Araby? Hereby!
What?
This is crazy!
Well, he is non-White.
And all male, baby.
He can't even read article 4.
I don't need to read to be captain.
Roger that.
But we don't need 3 captains.
Roger that.
We don't need one.
Rog... Hey.
Sparks, shut up.
No, don't shut up, dude.
Everybody shut up.
Now, where'd you get those cool hats?
Could y'all not argue on the p.A.?
It's killing morale around here.
The fly honeys like it.
O-Oh!
Hah! You being captain
Is almost as dumb as making a chick captain.
Stormy, not another word out of you. Period.
Speaking of period...
It was totally worth it. Ew!
Captain murphy,
How can you let this happen?
Son, i know it's hard to watch your peers get promo...
Peers? I got 5 ph.D.S and a genius grant, ok?
I don't have any peers here.
Well, as a woman, i didn't have it easy like you did.
Thus, my new recombinant technique
Will allow me to map eukaryotes.
You sure do study a lot.
Yes, ma'am. I'm going to be a scientist.
Mm-Hmm. You want another butter sandwich?
No, thank you, ma'am.
All right.
Well, my heart exploded. Mmf.
Grammy?
I didn't really have it all that easy.
Oh, whatever!
And i'm not starting now.
Go ahead.
Take your article 4 promotions.
I have a little too much self-Respect.
Captains. Ha ha ha!
Better take that mop.
Quinn, wait. What?
You forget how to salute, sailor?
Damn! No, she didn't!
I beg your pardon?
All the "girl" and "girlfriend"
And "what's up, girlfriend?"
And "holler at me, girlfriend"
And "hey, girlfriend, can i have back
Those rollers you borrowed?"
That's all over.
From now on, you call me "ma'am" or "captain."
Oh, i get it. Pardon me... Ma'am.
Ok. Well, get back to work.
Hmph. Shoot. Snatch you bald-Headed... Ma'am.
So, you, uh, need anything?
Um, no.
Can't... Can't think of anything.
Oh, maybe some tuberculosis medicine.
I'm sorry, i... I don't understand.
Oddly enough, persons of asian status
Don't qualify under article 4.
Y-Yes, but why not?
Well, for starters, anime.
Well, everybody else was doing it.
But if you take advantage of article 4
When others are more qualified...
Who's more qualified? White debbie?
Well, no, obviously. But...
Any time the government gets involved in something,
They mess it up way worse than it ever was in the first place.
Exactly. So...
Just look at the post office.
Perfect example. What?
The pony express was a model of efficiency.
Now, why they gotta mess that up?
Look here, now. If sparks can get promoted...
How the hell did he get promoted?
What do you mean a wheelchair?
Um, what do you call a chair with wheels?
You're just lazy, not disabled.
My legs are limp and dead. Worthless, dead little noodles.
Little... Ooh! Mmf...
So. You can't feel that.
Feel what? Help!
No, no, no. It's not just anime.
It's also those throwing stars,
Those crazy rave chicks with the big shoes,
The crazy hair, sars,
Giant killer robots, sushi...
But sushi is japanese. I'm chinese.
Oh. Yeah. That spicy cabbage i frickin' hate.
I'm telling you, deb. No sensation whatsoever.
So you won't mind another one?
Oh, no. Hey. Knock yourself out.
Why not have the guy with 5 ph.D.S
Mop the floor?
Yeah, hey. Good plan. Whoo!
Psst. Hey.
Quinn. Hello?
Down here. Hello, sir.
What's with all the gear?
Well, everybody else is a captain now,
So they're too busy giving orders
To do any work.
Going to hell on hockey skates, huh?
You kidding me?
The vaporators are at 50%,
We're leaking radioactive waste,
And pod 6 has got serious problems.
Ha ha ha! Pod 6. Uh... Oh, hey.
You don't have one of those cool hats, do you?
Uh, no.
Look, that leak's getting...
Damn. Now, ok, listen.
If you, uh, you know, find a hat, hook me up, huh?
Um, sure.
Say it, uh, you know, fell off the truck or something.
You get me? Yes, sir.
Ok. Right.
Well. See you around.
No, no, no. I'll be here.
Right.
And give the "5 ph.D." business a rest, huh?
Nobody likes hubris.
Excuse me?
Have you learned nothing from icarus, antigone, pantheus?
Huh. Good-Bye, sir.
Don't forget the hat.
Waters, stormy. You're free to go.
About frickin' time.
Hanging on that big, mobby tour group
Outside my apartment,
It's like, "late for work. Move."
Ha ha. Could you people smoke more?
Thank you for your time.
You bet.
Psst! Hey, a little help? Heh. I'm stuck, you know?
Hi.
Uh-Uh. Just keep walking, pal.
Yeah, captains only.
Stupid non-Captain jerk.
Stranger to captainhood.
Man without a hat!
Maybe i could transfer to spacelab.
Hey, dude. Aah!
Pull up a crate.
Hey, quinn. Hey, bony macaroni.
What's up, gorgeous?
Oh, i sure hate to see y'all
Sitting at this shabby little table, sugar.
I'm a skeleton.
I don't know why you just can't
Swallow your pride and get an article 4.
And i want you to promise me...
Yes, ma'am.
Always earn your own way in life,
Especially if you grow up and work at some place
Called sealab, whatever that is.
Yes, ma'am.
I smell toast.
Grammy?
You're being evicted.
Well, i've got my reasons.
Ow! God!
What in the world? Oh, my god. Oh, god.
Uh-Oh. Sealab.
It is i, santos.
Regent supreme of the 7 seas.
My hat will protect me.
You have sullied my watery home
With radioactive waste.
For this, your leader shall be punished.
That is one big-Ass robot.
Surrender your leader, and the rest shall live.
Do it not, and all shall die
In a storm of rage and hellfire.
Who is the leader? Answer me.
Wait.
None of y'all gonna step up?
Who speaks?
Oh, uh, i do. Me.
And you are the captain?
Nobody else is gonna... Man!
Ok. Yes. I am the captain.
Then steel yourself for the reckoning.
Ooh, child.
He gonna mess your ass up.
Yeah.
Enter santos.
Good-Bye, non-Captain.
Well, i sure hope y'all are happy with yourselves.
Yeah, i am.
Oh, yeah, i'm happy. I am.
That worked out pretty well.
I'm a skeleton.
Santos, away!
Hey, we're still alive.
You bet your buns you are.
Captain? Daiquiri?
Hi, quinn.
Alan and some of the guys
Built this thing in their spare time.
That's what those meetings were about.
Yeah, we're like, uh, sealab sucks now, so, you know.
We thought you'd like to come with us.
We're going to outer space with the fly honeys.
O-Oh!
Outer space? What... What, forever?
No, no, no, no. Just for the weekend.
Then we're going to bermuda.
Yeah, but bermuda kinda sucks.
Yeah. We're gonna bomb it.
Heads up, kingston.
Captioning made possible by warner bros.
Captioned by the national captioning institute www.Ncicap.Org...
Don't let this happen to you.
If you or someone you love
Has been injured by a giant robot,
You may be entitled to compensation.
Bluster and dollop sued the robot that smashed me.
He didn't have any money,
But i was able to get his energy cubes,
Which, it turns out, are giving me and my dog cancer.
And we'll sue him for that, too.