Captioning made possible by warner bros.
Oh, my ribs!
Ben, go get help!
Good girl.
Ben? Ben?
Ah, great!
Cut!
Hal, could you suck at it any harder?
Oh, crawl back in your bottle, rummy!
You're sucking it.
Damn bug can't hit his stupid mark.
You shut up on the bug.
Bug is good.
Oh, turn it off, prescott. Turn it off!
What about the dailies from yesterday?
I said enough, prescott.
Didn't you hear him? Enough, he said!
Clam it, you yes-Brains!
Yes, j.J.! Tip-Top, j.J.!
Haven't heard anything smarter than that!
Prescott, sealab's out of control.
Overbudget! Weak story lines!
It's like "fishtar" down there.
Good one, j.J.! Top hole, j.J.!
You're freaking hilarious!
Don't forget sealab-Con-Scam-Gate.
I've never been more ashamed!
I'm disgusted!
I'm embarrassed!
I'm all those things that end in "e-D."
This is their last chance, prescott!
So, get down there.
Snoop around.
That's what you're good at, isn't it?
Get the dirt. Scuttlebutt.
Skinny. The dope.
The skinny dope. Wait a minute.
Where's my dope? Left at home.
Are you sure? Pretty sure.
In the car? Call the dealer.
All right, come on! Button up! Clam it! Stow it!
Prescott, find out if the show can be salvaged.
And if it can't?
You know what to do.
Yes, j.J.
Hmm, yeah.
So, stormy's really thirsty here.
Drowning in a river of thirst.
Big, muddy, thirsty river.
Yeah, dude! That's you drowning.
I'm feeling it. Let's go!
All right, then. Action,
How 'bout that?
Give me my change!
God. You're crushing my spine!
Nice ad-Lib, hal!
Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Go with that!
Seriously!
You're breaking my back,
You!
Hey, miller,
He knows this is tv-Pg, right?
Prescott! No, no, no, no, no, no!
Say, pres!
Hey, hal!
How's the ponies treating you, pal?
Ha ha ha! Pres!
Look at me! Look at me!
Prescott, what the hell are you doing on my set?
Well, now, technically
The set belongs to the network, right?
Yeah, right. What are you doing on my set?
Pres, i think my back's broken.
You're looking good, halie.
You're aces! You're number one!
You're my guy, and i love you!
The network's a little concerned
That things aren't, you know, quite on track.
I can't work with a bunch of bean counters
Looking over my...
Shoulder.
You won't even know i'm here.
Whoa!
You'll barely know i'm here.
Sorry about that, dave.
No worries, pres. Ha ha!
What the hell's he doing here?
I don't know, dude.
Snooping around, i guess.
Well, keep him away from the trailer.
The network must never find out.
What are you doing in there?
No, nothing like that.
More of a fact-Finding trip, you could say.
Hush, baby-Waby.
I am sick and tired of my character being
This sex-Crazed uber-Slut!
Yes, i've been meaning to speak to the writers.
Shut the up!
The writers, exactly!
They suck.
And speaking of...
Oh! Oh!
You don't want to suck that.
That's the potty tentacle.
Well, what about that one?
Actually, you know what?
I'm gay.
How am i supposed to scuba-Dive in this?
No, man, the scuba mess is all played out, man.
It's tired. Come here, come here.
Come here, come here, come here. Come here.
Now you solve crimes. Crimes?
No, yeah, yeah!
You cruise around in this macked out caddy, man,
With your partner.
Partner? Wait. What partner?
My brother by another mother!
What's up, brett?
Ready to kick it old-School style with kid
And turn this bitch out?
It's fat city, dad!
Ah, man. Off.
What's his problem?
Um...
Who are you?
Chump, don't make me pull out the pump,
You jive turkey!
Dude, he's got little sucky cups!
Dude, is that polio?
Yeah, yeah.
That's exactly what it is.
Listen, you boys are spending time
With the on-Set tutor, right?
Tutor? We barely know her!
Funny stuff.
Mmm! These craft service foods
Don't look very nutritious.
Dude, we never eat.
Really?
Say, how old are you boys?
17. 17.
Kids, time for your special vitamins!
Mr. Estrada?
It's prescott from the network!
Mr. Estrada!
I'm doing yoga! I mean pilates!
I've got a residual check for you.
Let's see it!
Oh, ha ha!
I made that up!
Listen, if you want to get paid,
You actually have to show up on the set.
Really?
You know, the network really...
What is that fishy smell?
Yeah, you might want to get that checked out, hombre.
So, ahem, listen...
You want to bust somebody about not being on the set,
Start with logan.
Ooh, yeah.
Me love your chair.
Does it go up and down?
Damn you, sir!
And damn your chair!
Hey.
Great stuff! Great! Yeah!
But you were contractually obligated to sealab.
The network feels the movies are...
Hey, look, there's enough of the loganator
To go around...
The loganator!
Oh!
Oh, that's too good.
Ok, logan... Me... Futuristic supersoldier
Goes back in time to keep archenemy from...
Preventing invention of the chair.
I'm sorry. Go ahead.
The network feels the movies are...
Wait! Also he rescues a little boy,
A little crippled boy.
The network feels...
Da-Da-Da-Da-Da!
Soderbergh.
Just make sure you two fat finks
Have your story straight.
Yeah, man. You told us.
Mum's the word on the vitamin shots.
Yeah, man. You told us.
Or no more "mommy's little helpers."
Yeah, man. You told us.
We're short, not stupid.
No, even worse.
There are some very weird goings-On down here, j.J.
Get to the bottom of it, prescott.
To the bottom. Of the barrel.
The barrel with the monkey.
Get to the bottom of the barrel with the monkeys
And talk to the monkeys.
The monkeys say yes, you say no.
Say yes, yes, no, no.
They'll know what you mean. They're monkeys...
I'll call you later, big brain.
Whoo!
Mea culpa, dave.
No worries, pres.
Ugh, this show gets worse every day.
My character's a kindergarten teacher.
What's she need a gun for?
Hey, hey!
I smell a spin-Off!
Ecch! I smell potty tentacle.
And that ain't a good thing, baby.
Ha ha! Right!
Say, do either of you...
Oh, please, buzz off, squiddly diddly.
Whoa, whoa!
Real hot little number, huh?
Would you mind if i asked her out?
Why the hell are you asking me?
Well, no, you know. I just thought that perhaps...
Heard you were gay, anyway,
You tentacle-Having,
Sigmund the sea monster-Looking mo...
Man, i tell you, i'm'a kick that tentacle up your ass.
No, i just told kate that.
Oh, don't worry...
That's a nonpotty one.
Ha! But let me ask you something...
Can we just get the damn shot
So i can get out from under...
Oh, what's the point, man, you know?
This shot, that shot.
At the end of the day, it's just pixels flying through space.
And what do you got to show for it?
A crushed spine?
You got a big house. You got a lot of money.
You got a hot, big-Lipped ex-Model wife who hates you
And who you've suspected, for not sure is, you know,
With the, you know...
Accounting.
Bagged it!
Give me that!
Oh, papa's getting a new bag, baby!
Hey, miller, got a second?
A bag for papa!
Hey, brett? Hey, hal.
Miller, listen...
Bag it up for daddy.
Brett, where'd you get those shoes?
Not now, hal. Look, miller...
Oh, my god!
Prescott's gonna tell the network i've lost it.
Oh, he's gonna tell them a lot more than that.
Shut up!
About our little secret.
He doesn't know anything!
'cause those are really great shoes, you know!
Yeah, um, yeah. He knows everything.
Oh,
It was those damn twins!
They told him all about the...
Human anti growth serum!
My god, you've been shooting up those kids
With this junk to keep them small
So they won't grow up and leave the show!
What the frick-Frack?
Oh, i'll get you little for this!
Dude, he already knew. Dude...
Somebody else told him.
You're gonna burn for this, virjay!
This is nothing compared to what estrada is doing.
I'll be the judge of that. He...
Oh, that was the potty tentacle!
Dude, not cool!
Holy crap-A-Roni!
All units, move in. Go!
Oh, man, those blabber-Mouth kids!
Come on! Come on!
I'm only going with you because i'm drunk.
God! It's hot in here!
Put your damn... Wha!
Driver, step out of the vehicle!
Drop the dolphin
And slowly put your blood-Soaked hands behind your head!
This is the child welfare agency!
Where are the children?
Oh, take that... Dude!
You little bastard boys!
This is turner standards and practices.
Put your breasts back in your shirt,
You dirty whore!
They're blurred out, you stupid!
Ow! Ow! My face!
This is helicopter traffic control!
There are too many helicopters here!
Ha ha ha! Yeah!
We're never gonna get this shot
With all this damn noise!
Whaah!
No, i don't think we can salvage it, j.J.
You know what to do then.
And do it i shall, j.J.
Fire!
Fire... Oop!
Ha ha.
Got to stop meeting like this, dave!
No worries, pres!
Man, i wish i still had that gun.
Ha ha! I do have it.
Aah! My back!
You think next season we...
Ow!
If there even is a next season.
Why?
What have you heard?
Good work, prescott.
You took a dirty job,
And you burned it to the ground.
You burned it down.
You burned the whole thing down like the firestarter.
Little drew barrymore.
You ruined my heart, my hopes, my dreams.
But in a good way.
I don't mind you so much, prescott.
You're a bad golfer.
Well, it wasn't a total loss, big brain,
Thanks to our informant, brett butler.
At least we got a new series out of it.
Brett butler is back to do a job on the mob
As chunk.
There ain't no hope for dudes that deal dope!
With debbie love as golden brown.
You want to know how sweet i am,
You better ask somebody!
When i think about the fun i could have had
With a good-Looking black stud like you.
You're damn right!
Also starring kid as huggy kid.
I should have kicked your punk ass
A long time ago.
Come on! Where's mr. Big?
Holy crap!
Have no fear,
Chunk is here.
I'm being blaxsploited!