Discover a magical world under the sea,
A place where adventure and magic come together
In a magical adventure of magic and adventure for the whole family.
Sealab!
Drown yourself in a magical adventure!
Captioning made possible by warner bros.
How much ass does that kick? How much...
You borrowed 100 grand against sealab to make this?
103 or so.
And now we have to get tourists to come down here
To pay back the money you spent on a commercial
To get tourists to come down here
To pay back the money we didn't even owe
Before you made this stupid commercial!
Or we can lose sealab.
And, you know, with that attitude of yours,
I can go either way. I really can.
Well, i can't! I'm not gonna let the damn bank take sealab!
And that can-Do attitude is why
You're the new head bartender.
Welcome to sealab, everybody!
Grand canyon, my ass!
When do we eat?
I'm captain murphy,
And you are in for the vacation of a lifetime!
Breathtaking undersea adventures,
World-Class floor shows and dining,
And if you came to relax,
Then just put your chubby legs...
1, 2, 3, 4.
Oh, he has special needs.
Is that contagious?
No, you silly billy!
It's not contagious.
Well, then, let's get your amazingly expensive
Sealab vacation started.
Oh, i'm so excited about being here and eating food.
Little egg brain over there,
Isolate and contain.
Ok, yeah, i'm on it.
Look at me. Isolate and contain!
14, 15, 16, 17...
Before we start, i have to...
Do you guys have an outlet center?
Hey!
Before we start, i have to ask a few questions
For safety reasons.
Now, are any women here pregnant?
Well, maybe tonight after the big masquerade ball.
Hey-O!
Paul shaffer look-Alike guy, everybody.
Give him a hand!
You're cuckoo wacky, babe!
Ha! Ah!
Ok. Is anyone menstruating?
I know it's embarrassing,
But this is for your own safety.
Is anyone menstruating?
Um...
Oh, i am.
You're having your period now?
Yes, uh-Huh, mm-Hmm.
Ok, when did your period start?
I, uh... I, uh...
I think thursday.
You think, or you know?
Come on, big 'un. Get it together.
Uh, yes. Thursday. Thursday night, mm-Hmm.
Thursday! Ok!
Her period started on thursday!
Mm-Hmm, thursday.
Now, do you have sex when you're menstruating?
I, uh... What?
Never mind.
Hey, you're doing great.
[on] all right, now. Could you do me a favor
And hop in the pool?
Uh, but i'm on my period.
Yes, you've made that painfully clear.
Now get in the pool.
Ok, um... Here goes.
Watch closely, everybody.
Oh, oh, my god! Agh!
Oh, my god, you're killing her!
The dolphin is eating her!
This is... Some went in my eye!
Let that be a lesson to you, people.
Aunt flo drives these animals crazy.
But the brochure said there were...
11 different bars down here.
Oh, sure!
There's beyond liquor dome,
Exscurvy, shank.
So, where do we get something to drink there, huh?
How 'bout some breakfast first there, big guy?
Nope, can't wait.
Can we check on our kids?
No need to worry.
They're having a great time with señor clown.
Ok, ok. No, no, no, kid.
Just roll the smoke around in your mouth.
Learn to savor it.
Señor clown, i gonna throw up!
That means it's working. I'm glad.
That's a cohiba robusto.
Señor clown...
It's really bueno, kid.
I want my mommy.
Hey, hey, hey!
Señor clown wants your mommy, too, kid.
Shut up!
Hey!
What's that free welcome aboard drink like? Is that good?
The welcome aboard is red wine
With a shot of mole sauce in it.
Who the hell would order that?
Nobody. Want a martini?
Um, yeah. Two, please.
$22.
For 2 martinis? Apiece.
Are you serious?
Olive's a buck extra.
That's robbery!
Come on. You know you got to have it.
Look at your hands shaking.
Mmm. Oh! Dish it up, cookie!
Hey, how's it looking, sparks?
Our guests having a gay old sealab time?
Well, most of the adults are doing the eco-Tourism challenge.
Observe.
Debbie love: people,
Today you are not just tourists.
Mm-Mmm!
You are eco-Warriors!
Well, in the brochure
It said we'd be tagging endangered species of fish.
I'm gonna tag your damn fish, fat man.
What? Did i ask you to talk?
Let me do that again. I sorry.
I didn't mean to cut you off.
What? Hush!
Now, who can tell me
The ocean's number one enemy?
Ooh, um, the sky!
The...
You're just talking crazy, fat man!
It's plastic, people.
Plast... Ha ha! I'm sorry!
Um... Hush!
So, today we gonna help save the ocean
By putting these little chunky plastic bits
In glass safety domes.
Hey, these are just sealab souvenirs!
You're damn right, shorty.
Now get to work!
And don't mess with my money, hear?
Hey, that's my spoon!
'cause i need to get paid!
And the rest of the grownups
Are on the moonlight rendez-Cruise.
And over there is some coral and stuff.
I'm really hungry!
Oh, my god, my foot!
Hey, stop the boat, guys.
A man's hurt back here.
Oh, man, who's bleeding back there?
Oh, we got a cut bad!
If you look right behind you,
You'll see some of our ocean friends.
And holy crap, that's a shark!
Oh, my god!
Look at that shark!
Everybody, give a big shout-Out
To carcharodon carcharias.
Good-Looking shark right there.
How's señor clown making out?
Yeah, um...
About that.
Aaah!
Señor clown!
I want my mommy!
Shut up!
That kid's head is made of cheese!
Uh, i think it's just a hat.
Well, i mean, still, though.
Still what?
Well, let's head down for dinner.
And the ensalada pollo loco.
Uh, yeah, chicken caesar salad with salsa.
It's a big seller.
And the hawaiian luau salad?
Uh, chicken caesar with a pineapple ring.
Also quite good.
This menu is crap!
That's a chicken caesar with crap on it!
Hey! I don't cook the food!
How dare you?
How dare you, you slag?
Paul, do something.
This is an outrage.
Hey! Hey, hey! Calm down!
I demand more food. Shut up!
Sparks, philly cheese steaks for everybody!
Oh, yeah, coming right up, skip.
I'll shove a cheese steak up your ass!
Oh, i seriously doubt that.
I'll have that cheese steak.
Either hole, please.
Where is the money?
Hey, folks, it's dr. Virjay!
What a totally unexpected, yet pleasant surprise.
To what do we owe the pleasure, doctor?
Oh, i am afraid that pleasure
Is not on the menu tonight, good sir.
Grave situation?
Oh, yes.
A very grave situation.
Listen to that, everybody.
Dr. Virjay has discovered a very rare
And very deadly disease down here.
Good lord! A disease!
Disease? Oh, my god. Is the food ok?
What is it, doc?
Oh, it's seems the captain knows more about it than i do.
Please continue.
Oh, no, no!
You're the medical expert.
Oh, it was i who was third in his class
At the medical college of mishkotabooty.
Uh, i can only assume so.
Well, then shut up.
Dear guests,
I am saddened and indeed quite ashamed
To announce i have discovered a deadly virus on sealab.
I'll bet there's no cure.
Damn it, man, i'm telling it!
What is it? What is it? What is it?
Yeah, since you know so damn much.
This... Shut up... This disease is so new and rare
That it does not have a name yet.
Nice catch. Shut up!
And the best course of action
Is for you all to leave immediately.
Wait, shouldn't we be quarantined
Until you find out what it is?
Ordinarily, yes.
Now get out.
Oh, honey!
Wait a minute. What about our children?
The children must be quarantined.
But you said...
Woman, there's no time!
Get your fat ass out of here!
Joey, where are you?
Nicely played, doctor.
How can you say that so smugly?
I have violated the hippocratic oath.
Well, what am i supposed to do with these?
Ooh, phillies!
Dig in there, doc!
No, no.
My religion forbids it.
Oh, what do you care?
You're going to hell anyway for the hippopotamus thing.
Oh, we do not believe in hell.
So, what's stopping you?
Well, they... They do smell delicious.
If you've never had a philly melt in your mouth,
You shouldn't even be allowed to use that word.
Oh, krishna, forgive me.
Yeah, baby! Yeah!
Now, is that not the best damn thing
You've ever shoved in your curry hole?
It's like there's a party in my mouth,
And everybody's... Hey, whoa!
Take it easy, man!
Hey, don't forget your farewell drink.
Dish it up, cookie!
How do you expect us to drink
When we're riddled with disease?
Speak for yourself there, fella.
Hit me again there, cookie.
Well... Yeah!
They're free!
Oh, well, thank god,
'cause i might as well get something free
Out of this suck-Fest!
Hey, that's the spirit.
All aboard, sheeple.
Well! Thanks to my tourism commercial,
We made enough money off these stupid tourists
To pay back the bank for the money i borrowed
To make that commercial to get tourists to come down here.
And, quinn, you sure part of the plan's gonna work?
I put enough sodium amytal in those drinks
To erase an elephant's memory.
So they won't remember anything about coming to sealab?
They won't remember who they are.
Plus, stormy took them to a desert island
Swarming with huge feral cats.
Captioning made possible by turner entertainment group
Captioned by the national captioning institute www.Ncicap.Org...
Are you done with the pig's head?
Are you gonna eat that?
So, they'll all probably die.
Yeah.
Man, i hope you learned your lesson.
Sure.
Hey! Where are those stupid kids?
Oh, they're fine.
I said rare, you little munchkin!
I want the blood to dribble down my chin
As i sink my pearly incisors into the well-Marbled flesh.
Do you know where my mommy is?
Who am i, the rockford files?
Sweet mother of god!
When are we going to eat?