Captioning made possible by turner entertainment group
Why the hell are we sinking?
I'm glad you asked that, debbie.
Turns out that sealab was built on an injun burial ground...
Oh, sorry, john bear.
Uh, native american burial ground, and...
Native american is p.C. Label forced on us by white man.
I, john bear, lokochi warrior,
Urinate in the river of your ancestors.
What? Psssss...
That is the sound of my mighty urine.
Psssss...
Flowing out from the heavens on your ancestors.
Pssss...
And their dinner guests. Psssss...
Had so much firewater.
Psssss...
Oh, mercy.
Pssss...
How you like john bear now?
Ssssss...
How you like john bear now?
Sssss...
How you like john bear now?
Sssss...
I peed on your car.
Uh, right.
Anyway... If we can't stop the sinking,
We'll buried alongside the native whatchamadoodles.
So, does anybody have any suggestions?
Ok, any suggestions that don't involve peeing on ancestors?
Oh, we should make a time capsule.
What?
After we sink, future people will find it
And go, "holy crap, look at this."
Only, they might not talk english,
So we'll just fill it with nerve gas.
Well, the way i see it,
Nakahoma's kinfolk got us in this damn mess.
What'd you call me?
Just do one of your crazy-Ass dances
And unsink us.
You are slow-Footed buffalo walking the path of the coyote.
Get out of the road, stupid.
You dance us out of this,
I'll let you turn the mess hall into a casino.
With real vegas-Style gambling?
Like my ancestors had?
Anything you want, sacajawea.
'cause john bear's not gonna do it
For a bunch of half-Assed video slots.
Have we learned nothing from wounded knee?
Ok, you got your damn casino.
So, make with the old shawnee shuffle, already.
John bear will only dance when i have proper casino.
How...
Am i supposed to run a casino with a greeter like this?
Welcome to buffalo chips casino.
Don't forget about our trail of beers happy hour.
Ha ha!
I don't get it.
John bear: my ancestors would be most displeased.
Your ancestors' spirits would be smellin' of pee.
What?
Uh... Thundercloud.
Whoa, what the hell was that?
Ahem. Anyhoo,
We need a headliner for that lounge act.
Really?
Because i worked my way through college
As a lounge singer.
It has been many winters since a young squaw
Has brought john bear bourbon and coke.
Easy on the coke, honey. Chop-Chop.
8! You win again, sir!
Oh, high 5!
Hey, quinn, aren't you gonna fix the hull?
You do it. 8! You are good.
Can't you see i'm rollin' bones?
So, i'm in charge of fixin' stuff?
Yeah, whatever, just go.
Ok.
8! It is your night tonight, sir... High 5!
Shut up.
Quinn! I thought you gave up
Your dangerous addiction to gambling
For your dangerous addiction to alcohol.
Ha! Yeah! You think a lot of stuff.
Wait! Are those my loaded fake cheater dice?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
No.
High 5, huh?
Shouldn't you be going onstage now?
No, i didn't get the job.
Dolphin boy, shake it!
Oh, my god! Dolphin boy!
Dolphin boy, i want to have your baby!
Blow this hole, dolphin boy!
Oh, this is the best part.
Oh, tell us what he said next, stormy.
Quinn was like, "stormy, you take care of it, man."
And i was like all, you know,
"quinn, no problem."
You are so responsible. Ha ha ha ha!
I know, let's do some body shots.
Ohhh!
I better supervise that. For safety.
Come on, red.
Come on, 22. Double deuce, double deuce!
Oh, yes! Eat it, bitches!
Black 34. No winners.
Aww, dammit!
Hesh is down to his last dollar.
Sir, that's a quarter.
Damn, boy!
Come on, come on, start dancin', crazy horse.
We ain't got much time left.
What are you doing?
Just bein' an indian.
You know, for giggles.
Attention, sealab people.
Number one, although i am an indian,
I am not that kind of indian.
Number two, sealab is still sinking,
And we are all in grave danger... Oh!
Well, that's just great.
Ugh!
Hello, ladies, are your slots loose?
Hee hee hee!
I told you we would get lucky tonight, ethel.
If you don't have sex with me,
The terrorists have won.
Uh, what?
Just take your pants off.
No, no, no, no. This must be a misunderstanding.
See, hesh was just asking about how hot your... Box... Was.
Dammit.
I just... You know, you stick it into the slot.
You... No, you grab the handle and you pull.
And all that stuff comes out.
Sounds... Come out of the box.
I think he's retarded, ethel.
Jackpot!
Sir, perhaps you'd be more comfortable
At the celebrity poker table.
Who the do i look like, jimmy fallon?
Alarm! Someone doesn't like jimmy fallon!
Pssssssssssss...
Showed you, ass.
Wait, wait, you want me to leave a cage full of money
To help you?
Yes. For the one thing you love more
Than a cage full of money.
Two cages full of money?
No, the other thing.
Whoa. Can i wear my top hat?
Oh, all right, here we go.
Work your magic, pocahontas.
What? Oh, no, no.
That was just john bear's double down dance.
Ancestors say always split 8s.
And now, buffalo chips casino is proud to present
Dolphin boy and his animals of danger.
Oh, my god, dolphin boy.
What a tragedy.
Hit it.
Ah, thank you. You're too kind.
Oh, sparks, what are you doing here?
Come on, deb, you know i couldn't
Let you do this all alone.
Two, 3, 4...
Whatever!
Oh, how clever. An injun owning a casino.
How!
Oh, goodness.
Snip-Snap!
We're sinking! We're sinking!
The floor is wet!
And you thought canoe was silly, slow-Footed buffalo.
Hey, it's now or never. Get to spirit dancin'.
Yeah, about that.
John bear don't know any magic dances.
In fact, i am not a real indian.
Whoa, my god, if you ain't injun,
You're a bigger racist than i am.
Normally that would be true,
But in truth, i am a native american
Pretending to be a white man,
Pretending to be a racist indian,
All done to teach you a lesson about double reverse racism.
Uh... And what is that lesson, exactly?
That racism... Is for the birds.
Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
Aaahhh!
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Aww, dammit, that is terrible.
Ha ha ha!
Oh, you guys are... You guys are all fired.
I swear to god.
Oh, time capsule!
Word.
But we speak english.
Aahh.